To my rude co-workers who will never read this blog:
I wish you a really bad toothache with a pus-filled abcess. (...and that's something i've reserved for my worst enemy)
Supervisor consort: You need a pedicure. I don't like you and someday, I hope a large african-american hugs you really hard and shakes your hand so that you can cringe in disgust and feel bad all over, cause Lord knows how you hate us so...
That is all I have to say.
On another note.
My B.F. who-better-get-his-act-together-before-his-ass-gets-dumped returns home today from speding the week with his kids (and the baby mama of course) in S.C. I don't know how i'll react to him, i've been toiling over it and I think i'm done, but who knows what will come out when he brings his ass in the door. Why did women get cursed with a period (even if it doesn't come) and emotions? I ain't complainint but dang...we got played.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
D-day (Diet that is...)
What is the right thing to do? Is it following your heart or is the right thing to do using your intelligence to make decisions about life and love?
Is it better to be safe, predictable, reliable or is it better to be spontaneous, unpredictable and well, unreliable?
Should you change in order to adapt or stay true to one self?
Should you care what others think or should you disregard everything that the world says of you?
These are some of the questions that I ask myself daily and it is sometimes difficult to say which is the right way to be. I guess there is no one-size-fit-all answer for life. But I do know that straddling the fence can be dangerous.
Today i'm starting my diet and exersize regimen, wish me luck with all the fresh fruits and veggies I plan on living off of. Hope this all pays off, because this is hard work, of all days today at work, there is a carry in with all the cheeze balls, dips, meatballs and wings that you can imagine, so while everyone's here feasting, i'll be silently chewing on some cucumber slices and a few tart strawberries. So be nice to me today, maybe pat me on the shoulder if you see me, i'll need the support.
Is it better to be safe, predictable, reliable or is it better to be spontaneous, unpredictable and well, unreliable?
Should you change in order to adapt or stay true to one self?
Should you care what others think or should you disregard everything that the world says of you?
These are some of the questions that I ask myself daily and it is sometimes difficult to say which is the right way to be. I guess there is no one-size-fit-all answer for life. But I do know that straddling the fence can be dangerous.
Today i'm starting my diet and exersize regimen, wish me luck with all the fresh fruits and veggies I plan on living off of. Hope this all pays off, because this is hard work, of all days today at work, there is a carry in with all the cheeze balls, dips, meatballs and wings that you can imagine, so while everyone's here feasting, i'll be silently chewing on some cucumber slices and a few tart strawberries. So be nice to me today, maybe pat me on the shoulder if you see me, i'll need the support.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Happy Feelings
The feeling is good
time is now
mood is pink
Love is Love
God is good
all the time
praise is due
in time of joy
in time of pain
praise is due in
sunshine and rain
So today I feel happy, blessed and all types of good. Yesterday I was trying to slit my wrist with a butterknife, sobbing, moping and just plain old sad, wondering what love is all about and why it hurt so bad to be in it. I had/have some issues man. But all that matters is the right now, and right now i'm feeling some of God's grace shining all over me. I feel good and just felt like I needed to tell somebody and that somebody is you. So take it, hold it, swallow it, embrace it, live it and take it with you wherever you go. Ain't that something, feeling so good that you wanna share it. Enough times I complain and some people tend to want to share bad news. So while i'm on top of the world, come with me to a place where it feels good to be alive, breathe the air with me and feel some joy before tomorrow comes, if tomorrow comes...
*typing this while humming, Happy Feelings by Frankie Beverly and Maze*
time is now
mood is pink
Love is Love
God is good
all the time
praise is due
in time of joy
in time of pain
praise is due in
sunshine and rain
So today I feel happy, blessed and all types of good. Yesterday I was trying to slit my wrist with a butterknife, sobbing, moping and just plain old sad, wondering what love is all about and why it hurt so bad to be in it. I had/have some issues man. But all that matters is the right now, and right now i'm feeling some of God's grace shining all over me. I feel good and just felt like I needed to tell somebody and that somebody is you. So take it, hold it, swallow it, embrace it, live it and take it with you wherever you go. Ain't that something, feeling so good that you wanna share it. Enough times I complain and some people tend to want to share bad news. So while i'm on top of the world, come with me to a place where it feels good to be alive, breathe the air with me and feel some joy before tomorrow comes, if tomorrow comes...
*typing this while humming, Happy Feelings by Frankie Beverly and Maze*
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Inspiration Today
I need some inspiration today
I know it could be worse
it could be raining missiles
I could have less or be in pain
today Love has left me scorn
and here lately
I have been afraid to cry
so i'm
sitting here with my lips poked out
tyring to figure out how
to cope
I know it could be worse
it could be raining missiles
I could have less or be in pain
today Love has left me scorn
and here lately
I have been afraid to cry
so i'm
sitting here with my lips poked out
tyring to figure out how
to cope
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
I've not visited my blog in ahwile, and whew! it was depressing, I guess that the way life is sometimes...Here lately i'm trying not to stress as much, eat better and take advantage of time. I'm giving myself a rest from school this quarter and getting some thing together. Relationships can be the most rewarding and depressing this in the world all at the same time. I fell in love and since then I have experienced more emotions that I thought I had in me. I'm learning a lot of things about myself too...I watch too many movies, listen to too much music, it gives me a faulty perception on what should be. Anywho, I have a beautiful nephew, I can't wait to post pics. He's not a baby anymore, he's one and beginning the acquisition of language, and is a live wire. He has happy feet and loves the outdoors, kids are precious. I'm getting into the playoffs this season, I actually have a few fav's I am going for Chicago, but San Antonio has been playing some hard ball too...My BF is a Detroit fan all the way, and we have a bit of a wager going, if Detroit wins, I've gotta cook every day for a week and if they lose, he has to iron my clothes every night for work the next morn, GO BULLS!!!!!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
bad day
My friends think I complain too much
they don't understand
I think
I don't mind
I laugh and play along
until it hurts
and tears spill
until laughing hurts like crying
or until I decide to open my mouth
which i've been regretting these days
If communication is about understanding
Then why does it rarely help?
no one understands me
it has nothing to do with my guarded genius
I contradict myself
and change my mind, I am
not perfect and i'm indecisive
to the point where I think
I better change or i'll be condemned
for being lukewarm
i have such a guilt complex
and this is just me thinking
hypersensitive me
and while my sister thinks i'm sleeping
i'm sitting here being upset because
someone thinks I'm a lesser being
with inadequate and primal thoughts
like i'm a regular black chick
full of regresssion
someone who thinks I am
the woman who I have been avoiding
the person I try to change
the drama I try to avoid the
person hated but dealt with
default but never by choice
a last resort
i never wanna make anyone feel that way
i don't wanna feel this way
but if it's all about perception
and no one is really decisive as they should be
if people speak ambiguously and anonymously
using words like "they" and "people"
when I know the i'm the one ...
then what should I do?
i've felt that way for years
it's only come out in poems
and then it rests again
the way most my feelings do
but whatever, I should be strong enough
to be ok
resilliant like tough leather
I should be ok
I shouldn't be hurt
or feel my emotions like they stab and gouge at my flesh
I shouldn't really talk about it
I should crawl back into my quiet corner
the dark spaces within myself
use my inner voice to quiet
the outer one that escapes
I should be who I am not
Be happy when I am sad
i should be quiet
that's me, a little girl afraid
to speak
shhh...speak softly
be strong
be perfect
or be no one at all
they don't understand
I think
I don't mind
I laugh and play along
until it hurts
and tears spill
until laughing hurts like crying
or until I decide to open my mouth
which i've been regretting these days
If communication is about understanding
Then why does it rarely help?
no one understands me
it has nothing to do with my guarded genius
I contradict myself
and change my mind, I am
not perfect and i'm indecisive
to the point where I think
I better change or i'll be condemned
for being lukewarm
i have such a guilt complex
and this is just me thinking
hypersensitive me
and while my sister thinks i'm sleeping
i'm sitting here being upset because
someone thinks I'm a lesser being
with inadequate and primal thoughts
like i'm a regular black chick
full of regresssion
someone who thinks I am
the woman who I have been avoiding
the person I try to change
the drama I try to avoid the
person hated but dealt with
default but never by choice
a last resort
i never wanna make anyone feel that way
i don't wanna feel this way
but if it's all about perception
and no one is really decisive as they should be
if people speak ambiguously and anonymously
using words like "they" and "people"
when I know the i'm the one ...
then what should I do?
i've felt that way for years
it's only come out in poems
and then it rests again
the way most my feelings do
but whatever, I should be strong enough
to be ok
resilliant like tough leather
I should be ok
I shouldn't be hurt
or feel my emotions like they stab and gouge at my flesh
I shouldn't really talk about it
I should crawl back into my quiet corner
the dark spaces within myself
use my inner voice to quiet
the outer one that escapes
I should be who I am not
Be happy when I am sad
i should be quiet
that's me, a little girl afraid
to speak
shhh...speak softly
be strong
be perfect
or be no one at all
Saturday, August 12, 2006
26 is here.
It's my birthday
not too excited
woke up with a charliehorse
and a broken heart
mind never deceives me
my heart is a lonely bitch
and so I love without thinking
hate to be so....
honest I guess
the cereal I ate for breakfast
wasn't fulfulling
i'm on my way to do my chores
dramatic, I know...
but unhappy refuses to hide
someday soon, as my friend puts it
i'll be on top of the world
smiling, without any thought of this
somber moment
Happy Birthday to me!
not too excited
woke up with a charliehorse
and a broken heart
mind never deceives me
my heart is a lonely bitch
and so I love without thinking
hate to be so....
honest I guess
the cereal I ate for breakfast
wasn't fulfulling
i'm on my way to do my chores
dramatic, I know...
but unhappy refuses to hide
someday soon, as my friend puts it
i'll be on top of the world
smiling, without any thought of this
somber moment
Happy Birthday to me!
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Picture Time
My best friend hates this pic, she thinks I have a boa on, so I just posted it because she hates it...
This is my lil sister, she's a twin and I can't tell which one, that's why I like this pic, to me it's both of them.
This is my friend Toni looking deep, I've known her for 14 years, I call her bourgouise, can't you tell?
So i'm a photographer...
Very amatuer. I just Love taking pictures damnit!
Let me first explain...
When I was 14
tried writing a poem
Wildfire, I think...
stuffed it away in a drawer
wasn't very good
tried to be deep
In 10th grade began writing
for untouched horizons
a book few people read
more were impressed with the artwork
on the cover
felt bad but...
tried again in college
"The Equinox" this time
a fruitless waste of time
something that was supposed to be
good, timeless, deep but nonetheless
remained a thought
we had meetings, wrote material
created layouts, even designed a cover
something to be angry about later
tried to be deep
a few years later
joined an org, an npo
taught me about commitment
discipline, humility, non-violent reisitance
swahili, black nationalism
and about myself
I did not cut it
tried to be deep and failed
these days I just go to work and school
complain a bit along the way
I say i'm going to church soon
paint sometimes and talk to my
grandma about budgeting and the reasons
she souldn't be driving
I worry about turning 26
talk to my 2 good friends about where I shoulda
been at my age
I thought i'd be Oprah
everyone wants to be someone, right?
But for now i've stuffed that idea in my drawer
like my first poem
and to prevent further complications these days
i try not to be too deep
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
