I love weddings

Humming, "it's sooo good loving somebody, when somebody loves you back, and that's a fact!"
Congrats to the newlyweds! Tavon and Candy

Phew, nephew that is...

It's been two and a half years since my nephew was born and he's never spent the night with me, until tonight that is. I haven't really child-proofed my house yet but it's about 9:30pm and it's dark outside, I'll be taking him over my mom's before church (I ain't ready for that yet) so we'll see what adventures his visit will bring. I am working on being a better auntie. I've taken him places before and he's been over my house, just never slept here. I don't have any children yet so we'll see what this does to my perception of what it's like. Yeah, yeah, I know it's only overnight but this is a first for me. He's not potty-trained and he's quite rambunctious. I don't usually cut the TV on and it's usually pin-drop quiet in here. I have a few toys in the closet and if all else fails i've got crayons and notebooks with notes from Antioch and Sinclair. I want children, I really do. I'm not sure what God has in mind for me, i'm approaching 30 and my clock is ticking. If I don't have children naturally, i've been considering adopting, although there's a lot to ponder about that. I want a child that looks like me and that was made in love with someone special, someone who gives me their last name. Perhaps i'm taking this a bit far but hey, i'm just thinking and blogging, blogging and thinking. This is my train of thought, raw and un-edited. Don't take me to seriously. Well perhaps I should go, make sure all knives are away and make sure there's no dangerous chemicals easily accessible. So until next time. (Perhaps i'll have a story to tell)

Booty

Ok so, um...I don't really know what to say. This is uhhh, weird bruh...Kinda creepy. Don't go to prison, be on yo best behavior please...This is what they should show instead of scared straight.

What does it mean to be passive aggressive?

My name as far as this blog is concerned I am the queen of a land called passiveaggressiva...Hence my name underneath all of my posts and as the mediator of all things fly...I will say however that I never had a complete understanding of what it really means to be "PA". So as a student of pop culture and all things current I googled it to make sure I should preside over such a land. my findings were interesting, I fit the profile (kinda but not so much) it was more like a diagnosis, and honestly it's kinda sad. So I figured i'd share the wealth of knowledge, ahem: (there will be a part II to this)

The DSM IV describes this personality type as having passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational settings (DSM IV p. 733). It has also been referred to as a negativistic type of personality that involves more than just a passive resistance to demands. Included in the behaviors are fault-finding, moodiness, vascillating behavior, temper outbursts, sulkiness, with alternation between hostile assertion of self-autonomy, to dependent repentance or contrition.

Passive aggressive types are characterized by their ambivalence about themselves and others. They have difficulty making decisions, are uncomfortable with having to make them, and often leave their decisions to fate or chance, rather than having to accept the finality of a decision.

In addition to their ambivalence, they also exhibit a self-centeredness in that they need to have as many options open as possible, in order to not feel restricted or controlled, no matter what effect this has on others. If ever pinned down to making a decision, in a romantic relationship for example, they may vaguely state what they believe their partner wants to hear, only to take it back gradually, in their actions. If they are confronted about this behavior, they may exhibit anger and act as if they have been attacked and victimized, rather than own up to their ambivalence. Their goal is to postpone decisions, with the hopes that something will happen to decide for them. However, if the decision is made for them, they often backtrack to try to undo the finality of that decision.

According to some theorists (Pretzer & Beck, 1996), persons with this personality view themselves as being self-sufficient but feel vulnerable to control and interferance from others. They believe they are misunderstood by others, a view that is exacerbated by the negative responses they receive from others for their vascillations.

A primary conflict for passive aggressive types, is dependency. They fear the power of those on whom they are dependent, even if those they depend on never exert power or are not aware of the conflict. Rather than work on their own problems with this dependency, they vascillate between submissiveness and deliberate rebelliousness. Their relationships suffer because partners, friends, and/or family members cannot decipher or understand their evasiveness as attempts at independence. Often the passive aggressive person is not entirely conscious of his/her behavior.

Sometimes the passive aggressive person (PA for brevity) is acting against internal pressure rather than real expectations from others. The PA imagines everyone in his/her life to be making unreasonable demands. Often the PA is correctly perceiving that significant others have expectations of them, which triggers the dependency vs self-sufficient conflict, to which they act out accordingly. With so much internal conflict and energy spent on battling with the feelings that are generated (feelings of imprisonment real or imagined, feelings of limitations from making decisions, feelings of entitlement, etc.), there is little energy left to look at the self.

The underlying conficts typically are rooted in childhood, where one or both parents did not allow the child to win any battles of self-assertion or power. The child only had the option of asserting him/herself via passive, hidden tactics. Since children "know" on some level, that they are dependent on their parents, openly asserting themselves when their parents have worked against this, would not be an option.

On a preconscious level the child, who is too intellectually immature to question his/her parents, would pick up on behavioral ques, even if the communication from the parents was not overt. The impressions or conditioning the child would receive regarding assertion, aggression, individuation, would mold the child into picking other options for self-assertion. Since all living beings need to assert themselves, inhibiting that to a great extent assures alternate routes of expression to be found, whether they are adaptive or not. Displacement of this anxiety or conflict, onto present-day relationships of the adult PA, keeps the PA involved in the struggle with individuation, that could be resolved if the original conflict were addressed.

Being PA does not mean one is not as aggressive as openly aggressive types. It means that the aggression is hidden, not open, but still expressed. PAs can be even more aggressive while preserving their own belief in their passive nature. The aim of the behavior is to aggress while hiding and appearing passive.

Some theorists have considered that the PA may have been constitutionally more aggressive or sensitive as a baby. A parent might naturally try to curb aggressiveness in a toddler without considering future behavioral consequences.

Passive aggressive behavior has been confused with narcissistic behaivor since the PA behaviors can have a narcissistic self-serving quality. However, PA behaviors exist in different personality types and not exclusively in narcissistic types

I need a tip drill? Get over it already!

I should be a better blogger, really I should...I'm on the computer a lot, everyday in fact and I have so many things I want to talk about, so many things on my mind and I tend to look at my blog and then find something else to do.
Today I had a conversation with a friend about a video clip I saw yesterday of Nelly being intervied by a radio personality who mentions the dreaded "Tip Drill" video. I just kept thinking to myself, how many times and ways can people make Nelly pay for that video? Do I think it was mysogynistic? yes. Is he more responsible than other artists both black and white, BET videos, Paris Hilton, the modeling industry in whole? No. Do I think that all that he donates to charity should be overshadowed by something that was recorded years ago? No. I just think that the media likes to harpoon black celebs on their downfalls and in turn exploits them at their worst moments and will not let them move beyond controversy. Well just in case you'd like to know what i'm talking bout...This chick is killin' me...

A virgin at the auction

So yesterday I decided to go to my first auction. And as always there is a story. So my co-worker and I decide to go to a luxury home auction also the contents of a cleaning business. There were no minimums required. So when we arrive, I notice that luxury was an understatement, the homes in the gated community started at about 700,000. I didn't even feel like I was in Dayton...The family was downsizing. They auctioned off everything from furniture to books to grills to pianos to an air hockey table and more...Upon arrival, I notice a small mob gathering around a table, there was mostly junk on it and the auctioneer started the prices at around $5 per box and eventually auctioned all the tiems on the table for around about $12.50. There was every business book and manual known to man, childrens movies, and pots and pans. Now I just wanted to see what it was like so I only had $10 at the time. I really wanted some of that stuff, but here's the interesting part of the day.
Some of the people hoarded their wares off to the side after they won their bids. Afterwards people were willing to sell some of their items. So a co-worker and I looked over at a bucket of umbrellas, really really good expensive umbrellas, that she told me were auctioned off at about $25 for the entire bucket. So this white guy, nicely dressed, a businessman obviously, came peering over asking if we were interested in anything from his pile, and so we looked. Some things interesting, some not. But I say a really fancy umbrella, and I offered him $5 for it, after all he'd gotten a bucket of about 12 high quality umbrellas for %25, he looked at me absurdly almost insulted, he said "Do you know these retail for over $35 each?" I replied, "but you bought these used for the price of one" so he asked me to go higher, and I said forget it. So I see a stock pot, i've been needing on of these lately, and I offered him a dollar then 2, to get the same type of look and he said $5 and I said ok. My co-worker an auction guru, kept fanning and waving for me not to buy it but I did, she later told me that at estate auctions you can get better pots, whole boxes of them for like $1. So i'm dumbfounded, wanting my money back after all I only had $10. So I attempt to get my money back and this guy looked and me very sternly and abrubtly saying "but you already bought it, thank you though".
I decided I was done. I had to re-think going into business. I'll explore more later. My break is over.
To be continued....

Today is...

Ok so it's here...My b-day
I've been here 28 years still trying to figure out what to do next.
It's not a big deal anymore I guess...
I'm having an all out paaaaaarrrrttttaaay on my 30th birthday though!!!

This always makes me smile...

I remember when this first aired. I had to be Rudy's age. This is a classic, i'mma make my kids watch this.

Refreshing music (pt II)

Ok so here's the song of the month. Last month I posted something on Karina Pasian, this time it's Jazmine Sullivan, this song almost brought tears to my eyes. It wasn't really the song, more her voice. It's soulful and fresh, people compare her to Lauryn Hill but she has a sound all her own and the song is good, the video is nice, be on the lookout. Can't wait till the CD comes out. Check out the video, I promise you won't be disappointed!


Now, this is a throwback, she was on Apollo at the age of 11. Her voice was rich then, where'd she get all that soul, I got the chills about 5 times while she was singing "Accept what God Allows"

I know 'yall remember Showbiz

Before Chuck E Cheese...We'll they're back at it. This is so damn funny!

This week, better, much better...

So i'm in a better mood. I think I should probably delete the last post, one might mistakenly slip some Zoloft in my tea if I continue on that way. So it's been an interesting week, from Ol' Jesse poisoning the proverbal well of our first beakon of light in years, Obama to The Williams sisters (Venus nem')not getting much press after their victories at Wimbledon to the rumors that E badu is pregnant with Jay Electronica's baby (yes yes ya'll that would make three rapper babydaddies) I could go on and on...I've been visiting my fave blogs recently and have been thoroughly entertained this week. My favorite is www.crunktastical.net Fresh is the best hands down. Then I make my rounds to Bossip, and then I go to another excellent blog, www.pioneerwoman.com, and of course CNN.com which isnt' a blog at all but that's how I get my daily dose of news, I'd never on purpose watch Fox news. I read that they often make a mockery of Obama's blackness and appealing to the fears and stereotypes of many people pertaining to race and religion. First there was the Obama/Osama slip-up then there was the "Michelle, Obama's baby mama" and then calling fist bump something related to being a terrorist tactic. smh @ them. They sould be so 'shamed.
Anywho, I reckon I should go (reckon is a new/old word i've been using lately) and do some work, but have a wonderful weekend. I'm sure i'll be blogging again soon. I'm back at it yall!!!

The Fourth

I woke up this morning in a contemplative mood. A tad bitter.
Lately I have been moody, riding my usual wave of emotions. So, yesterday was the Fourth of July, the day irritated me a bit. I was reluctant to get dressed and go over my mom's to help her barbeque. I just wasn't feeling the whole thing. Let me explain, a lot of holidays become so consumer driven that the meaning is lost and then all it becomes about is spending money to commemorate the day. I bet Jehovah's Witnesses have money to save since they don't spend money on holidays. For the Fourth of July, there's the food for the cookout, there's the buying of the fireworks, the red white and blue clothing or your "outfit for the fourth", hair and nails for the ladies, the festive decor and whatever else your traditions are related to Independence Day. Not only that, I have been hearing m80's explode for a week now, and for some reason, many kids tend to save a stash of fireworks for the week following the fourth. Last night there was a deep fog that engulfed the city, that combined with a zillion people about there lighting their pirotechnics and the big shows the city plans every year, my night felt surreal and extra smokey. Since people like to get drunk on the Fourth, there were checkpoints everywhere, and although I am legit, I had to try to find an alternate route because I have an unpaid surveillance speeding ticket that remains unpaid. I needed gas desperately, but all the gas stations were occupied by people stuntin' in their fourth of july outfits and D-boys with their over the top big wheels (profile cars), panhandlers, and women parading around in stillettos and short skirts. All I want is gas, and for whatever reason every gas station I pass on the West Side resembles a club parking lot. I cannot. So then, out of options, I pull up at "Club Shell" and wait at the pump for this $4.09 gas that seems to be going out of style...I finally arive home a few minutes later exhausted and perhaps a bit lonley. Maybe this holiday is a drab for me because last year the night of the Fourth was when my ex and I broke up. Maybe i'm taking it a bit far, but it didn't use to be this way. Maybe i'm hormonal, i'll stop while i'm ahead.

...and in with the new

'Nuff said...

Is this really the highest ranking official?

Well, he's on his way out!!! I know it sounds cheesy but "Yes we can"!!!!

Kiddie Prom?

I know it's been awhile and my blog has morphed into something kinda like a pop-culture blog, buy I just haven't had the time to post the kind of material that I once did. But I will soon, until then, I just wanted to post yet another example of for lack of a nicer term, "tom foolery". Who even makes weave, heels, and prom dresses in this size??? Here's a bit of advice, don't be sending your barely potty trained kids to prom it makes us look bad.

Everyone Nose

I have to admit, I am a Pharrell stan, better yet let me be honest, I heart N.E.R.D.
What's funny is that I have a huge music collection and i've never bought a Pharrell album nor a NERD album. I think Pharrell and chad Hugo Kill it everytime they lay a beat. There's something futuristic about it, and the horns, synthesizers, and heavy drum beats create what I like to call "eargasms". I even like their artists, everyone from The Cool Kids to Teyana Taylor. It makes me wanna be a part of this newer generation of kids who wear brightly colored clothes and skateboard. Pharrell's a producer that can rap, that is to be applauded because I heard a rap by Puffy that was far less than stellar, it made me sad in fact. So the reason i'm posting all this is because I just recently heard "Everyone Nose", not to mention the kickass remix, and I can't help but to jig to it. I even had to reason with mysely as to if I could really jig to a song about women using Cocaine in the bathroom at the club (everyone knows). I don't care, it's funky anyway. Btw just in case you wanna know, Chad Hugo could get it. In short, i've gotta buy this new album. I may even go back and get the throwbacks.

Frontin

When you front, this is what you look like. -Absurd

Breath of fresh air...

So i've been wanting to find some good music, and i've been checking the blogs and random playlists for something that makes me move. This song by Karina Pasian moved me but in a different way, I have hope for the next generation, however corny that sounds, but it was really refreshing to hear a youg woman sing a song like this and make it sound good too...It's called "Sixteen at War"

Not from the Ace! These are amazing....

CAKES!!! How did they make icing and fondant do that? on the last cake there even appears to be outdoor neon tubing on the cake...These cakes are by Zhanna, believe it or not there's even more amazing cakes...

Bad Luck BBQ

So I told myself I would blog about my latest adventure, good ol' fashioned barbeque. So I decided that since the weather has been wonderful lately, then I should do something outdoors, something american, something not too labor intensive, something new. Now, i'm starting to learn to cook but grilling is a new arena for me. I excitedly hurried to the nearest Family Dollar to buy my wares. I bought the traditional tools, charcoal, lighter fluid, a spray bottle, and aluminum foil. I had everything planned out, i'd boil the chicken first in a special brine, and then i'd grill some pre-tenderized steak, then make some mac n' cheese and those new "grillin beans". Before I stray too far, the I must tell you that my grill isn't some huge to do, it is a very modest, small, and janky grill I bought from Wal-mart for a frugal $19 and the time it was a pretty big deal. It had been on my cousin's back porch for must about all fall and winter, so I expected a bit of wear and tear but this thing once shiny red was now a dull, faded pink and the charcoal that was still in the pit was stuck. Now I don't mind domestic work but I'm not a get down and dirty kinda gal, so I look for the closest set of gloves. The gloves were actually the yellow dishwashing gloves, a little ghetto I know. I dumped the ash but only half fell, so I had to dig the remains out the bottom with my glove protected hands. I'm trying my hardest to make this a short story but that's not how this is working out so please bear with me. One thing I forgot was a grill brush, and I wasn't cleaning this grill in my house. So I decided to take the lazy way out and line the top rack with aluminum foil, um wrong answer and i'll tell you why in a few. Next I light the coals, it is very likely that I over-did the lighter fluid thing. It is likely that I did something wrong with the fire, I could tell that something wouldn't be done in the middle (thank goodness I boled the chicken first)So finally, I placed the meat on the grill and closed the lid. I waited a few minutes and realized that I didn't poke holes in the foil so then I did. Well did I mention that I went shopping at Family Dollar, and while they do have name brands, I opted for the generic .69 kind, it was of the cheap persuasion so what was supposed to be small poke holes, turned into savagely huge tear marks. So if you're keeping up, the coals aren't hot, the holes are too big in the foil and my meat isn't really cooking so I decided to re-light the fire. Now the trick was to do it without any fatalities. Hmmm, this would prove harder than it sounds. I'll spare you the details but needless to say I made it. After a few sprays, by brand new spray bottle died. Frustrated, I took the meat off the grill, and made a back up dinner, skyline chili spaghetti. So in short, I won't be grilling again any time soon it sucks, maybe I just suck. It's over, i'm done, I'm officially a bake boil or fry kind of girl. Please, don't laugh at the pics. btw, the meat turned out really flavorful but my grandma said her chicken wasn't done and that eating blood of an animal works against her body so she couldn't partake. Hmm, my piece seemed fine but that sorry excuse for a steak was pretty bad, it was pretenderized but managed to be tough, ford tough. Uh, if you barbeque, can I come over? I ain't got it!