i think i'm on the verge of a decline. last week i stood atop the peak, today the valley. it's all about trying to bridge the gap between good said and good done. it's all about will. i'm emotional, nothing new, sometimes a trainwreck, at times there is a calm. tonight fried chicken tomorrow bones, tonight lazy slumber, tomorrow anxiety and unrest. patterns in and out weaving throughout me, i would like to disrupt the pattern somehow but the problem is the difference between good said and good done. it's been 4 months and i'm still thinking about him waking and sleeping, writing poems, and spending time bitter, angry. i've been sitting on the couch for the last 3 hours staring at the computer screen listening to drowning jazz. i can deal with boney james, sweet thing but not seduction. but it's something bout' miles and coltrane that make me crazy, equinox and ooh, in a sentimental mood get the tears stirring. a damn mess i tell you.currently my house is dirty and the internal me is just as bad as the dishes. i hate sulking and that's what i think i'm doing, but it's honest. i declare today that this feeling be temporary. i've found something to fight about and all i can do is guard my face. young paris fighting, burning the city in protest, perhaps there is something to learn.
*humming* dooodah.....dooodah
