I love weddings

Humming, "it's sooo good loving somebody, when somebody loves you back, and that's a fact!"
Congrats to the newlyweds! Tavon and Candy

Phew, nephew that is...

It's been two and a half years since my nephew was born and he's never spent the night with me, until tonight that is. I haven't really child-proofed my house yet but it's about 9:30pm and it's dark outside, I'll be taking him over my mom's before church (I ain't ready for that yet) so we'll see what adventures his visit will bring. I am working on being a better auntie. I've taken him places before and he's been over my house, just never slept here. I don't have any children yet so we'll see what this does to my perception of what it's like. Yeah, yeah, I know it's only overnight but this is a first for me. He's not potty-trained and he's quite rambunctious. I don't usually cut the TV on and it's usually pin-drop quiet in here. I have a few toys in the closet and if all else fails i've got crayons and notebooks with notes from Antioch and Sinclair. I want children, I really do. I'm not sure what God has in mind for me, i'm approaching 30 and my clock is ticking. If I don't have children naturally, i've been considering adopting, although there's a lot to ponder about that. I want a child that looks like me and that was made in love with someone special, someone who gives me their last name. Perhaps i'm taking this a bit far but hey, i'm just thinking and blogging, blogging and thinking. This is my train of thought, raw and un-edited. Don't take me to seriously. Well perhaps I should go, make sure all knives are away and make sure there's no dangerous chemicals easily accessible. So until next time. (Perhaps i'll have a story to tell)

Booty

Ok so, um...I don't really know what to say. This is uhhh, weird bruh...Kinda creepy. Don't go to prison, be on yo best behavior please...This is what they should show instead of scared straight.

What does it mean to be passive aggressive?

My name as far as this blog is concerned I am the queen of a land called passiveaggressiva...Hence my name underneath all of my posts and as the mediator of all things fly...I will say however that I never had a complete understanding of what it really means to be "PA". So as a student of pop culture and all things current I googled it to make sure I should preside over such a land. my findings were interesting, I fit the profile (kinda but not so much) it was more like a diagnosis, and honestly it's kinda sad. So I figured i'd share the wealth of knowledge, ahem: (there will be a part II to this)

The DSM IV describes this personality type as having passive resistance to demands for adequate performance in social and occupational settings (DSM IV p. 733). It has also been referred to as a negativistic type of personality that involves more than just a passive resistance to demands. Included in the behaviors are fault-finding, moodiness, vascillating behavior, temper outbursts, sulkiness, with alternation between hostile assertion of self-autonomy, to dependent repentance or contrition.

Passive aggressive types are characterized by their ambivalence about themselves and others. They have difficulty making decisions, are uncomfortable with having to make them, and often leave their decisions to fate or chance, rather than having to accept the finality of a decision.

In addition to their ambivalence, they also exhibit a self-centeredness in that they need to have as many options open as possible, in order to not feel restricted or controlled, no matter what effect this has on others. If ever pinned down to making a decision, in a romantic relationship for example, they may vaguely state what they believe their partner wants to hear, only to take it back gradually, in their actions. If they are confronted about this behavior, they may exhibit anger and act as if they have been attacked and victimized, rather than own up to their ambivalence. Their goal is to postpone decisions, with the hopes that something will happen to decide for them. However, if the decision is made for them, they often backtrack to try to undo the finality of that decision.

According to some theorists (Pretzer & Beck, 1996), persons with this personality view themselves as being self-sufficient but feel vulnerable to control and interferance from others. They believe they are misunderstood by others, a view that is exacerbated by the negative responses they receive from others for their vascillations.

A primary conflict for passive aggressive types, is dependency. They fear the power of those on whom they are dependent, even if those they depend on never exert power or are not aware of the conflict. Rather than work on their own problems with this dependency, they vascillate between submissiveness and deliberate rebelliousness. Their relationships suffer because partners, friends, and/or family members cannot decipher or understand their evasiveness as attempts at independence. Often the passive aggressive person is not entirely conscious of his/her behavior.

Sometimes the passive aggressive person (PA for brevity) is acting against internal pressure rather than real expectations from others. The PA imagines everyone in his/her life to be making unreasonable demands. Often the PA is correctly perceiving that significant others have expectations of them, which triggers the dependency vs self-sufficient conflict, to which they act out accordingly. With so much internal conflict and energy spent on battling with the feelings that are generated (feelings of imprisonment real or imagined, feelings of limitations from making decisions, feelings of entitlement, etc.), there is little energy left to look at the self.

The underlying conficts typically are rooted in childhood, where one or both parents did not allow the child to win any battles of self-assertion or power. The child only had the option of asserting him/herself via passive, hidden tactics. Since children "know" on some level, that they are dependent on their parents, openly asserting themselves when their parents have worked against this, would not be an option.

On a preconscious level the child, who is too intellectually immature to question his/her parents, would pick up on behavioral ques, even if the communication from the parents was not overt. The impressions or conditioning the child would receive regarding assertion, aggression, individuation, would mold the child into picking other options for self-assertion. Since all living beings need to assert themselves, inhibiting that to a great extent assures alternate routes of expression to be found, whether they are adaptive or not. Displacement of this anxiety or conflict, onto present-day relationships of the adult PA, keeps the PA involved in the struggle with individuation, that could be resolved if the original conflict were addressed.

Being PA does not mean one is not as aggressive as openly aggressive types. It means that the aggression is hidden, not open, but still expressed. PAs can be even more aggressive while preserving their own belief in their passive nature. The aim of the behavior is to aggress while hiding and appearing passive.

Some theorists have considered that the PA may have been constitutionally more aggressive or sensitive as a baby. A parent might naturally try to curb aggressiveness in a toddler without considering future behavioral consequences.

Passive aggressive behavior has been confused with narcissistic behaivor since the PA behaviors can have a narcissistic self-serving quality. However, PA behaviors exist in different personality types and not exclusively in narcissistic types

I need a tip drill? Get over it already!

I should be a better blogger, really I should...I'm on the computer a lot, everyday in fact and I have so many things I want to talk about, so many things on my mind and I tend to look at my blog and then find something else to do.
Today I had a conversation with a friend about a video clip I saw yesterday of Nelly being intervied by a radio personality who mentions the dreaded "Tip Drill" video. I just kept thinking to myself, how many times and ways can people make Nelly pay for that video? Do I think it was mysogynistic? yes. Is he more responsible than other artists both black and white, BET videos, Paris Hilton, the modeling industry in whole? No. Do I think that all that he donates to charity should be overshadowed by something that was recorded years ago? No. I just think that the media likes to harpoon black celebs on their downfalls and in turn exploits them at their worst moments and will not let them move beyond controversy. Well just in case you'd like to know what i'm talking bout...This chick is killin' me...

A virgin at the auction

So yesterday I decided to go to my first auction. And as always there is a story. So my co-worker and I decide to go to a luxury home auction also the contents of a cleaning business. There were no minimums required. So when we arrive, I notice that luxury was an understatement, the homes in the gated community started at about 700,000. I didn't even feel like I was in Dayton...The family was downsizing. They auctioned off everything from furniture to books to grills to pianos to an air hockey table and more...Upon arrival, I notice a small mob gathering around a table, there was mostly junk on it and the auctioneer started the prices at around $5 per box and eventually auctioned all the tiems on the table for around about $12.50. There was every business book and manual known to man, childrens movies, and pots and pans. Now I just wanted to see what it was like so I only had $10 at the time. I really wanted some of that stuff, but here's the interesting part of the day.
Some of the people hoarded their wares off to the side after they won their bids. Afterwards people were willing to sell some of their items. So a co-worker and I looked over at a bucket of umbrellas, really really good expensive umbrellas, that she told me were auctioned off at about $25 for the entire bucket. So this white guy, nicely dressed, a businessman obviously, came peering over asking if we were interested in anything from his pile, and so we looked. Some things interesting, some not. But I say a really fancy umbrella, and I offered him $5 for it, after all he'd gotten a bucket of about 12 high quality umbrellas for %25, he looked at me absurdly almost insulted, he said "Do you know these retail for over $35 each?" I replied, "but you bought these used for the price of one" so he asked me to go higher, and I said forget it. So I see a stock pot, i've been needing on of these lately, and I offered him a dollar then 2, to get the same type of look and he said $5 and I said ok. My co-worker an auction guru, kept fanning and waving for me not to buy it but I did, she later told me that at estate auctions you can get better pots, whole boxes of them for like $1. So i'm dumbfounded, wanting my money back after all I only had $10. So I attempt to get my money back and this guy looked and me very sternly and abrubtly saying "but you already bought it, thank you though".
I decided I was done. I had to re-think going into business. I'll explore more later. My break is over.
To be continued....

Today is...

Ok so it's here...My b-day
I've been here 28 years still trying to figure out what to do next.
It's not a big deal anymore I guess...
I'm having an all out paaaaaarrrrttttaaay on my 30th birthday though!!!