The Fourth

I woke up this morning in a contemplative mood. A tad bitter.
Lately I have been moody, riding my usual wave of emotions. So, yesterday was the Fourth of July, the day irritated me a bit. I was reluctant to get dressed and go over my mom's to help her barbeque. I just wasn't feeling the whole thing. Let me explain, a lot of holidays become so consumer driven that the meaning is lost and then all it becomes about is spending money to commemorate the day. I bet Jehovah's Witnesses have money to save since they don't spend money on holidays. For the Fourth of July, there's the food for the cookout, there's the buying of the fireworks, the red white and blue clothing or your "outfit for the fourth", hair and nails for the ladies, the festive decor and whatever else your traditions are related to Independence Day. Not only that, I have been hearing m80's explode for a week now, and for some reason, many kids tend to save a stash of fireworks for the week following the fourth. Last night there was a deep fog that engulfed the city, that combined with a zillion people about there lighting their pirotechnics and the big shows the city plans every year, my night felt surreal and extra smokey. Since people like to get drunk on the Fourth, there were checkpoints everywhere, and although I am legit, I had to try to find an alternate route because I have an unpaid surveillance speeding ticket that remains unpaid. I needed gas desperately, but all the gas stations were occupied by people stuntin' in their fourth of july outfits and D-boys with their over the top big wheels (profile cars), panhandlers, and women parading around in stillettos and short skirts. All I want is gas, and for whatever reason every gas station I pass on the West Side resembles a club parking lot. I cannot. So then, out of options, I pull up at "Club Shell" and wait at the pump for this $4.09 gas that seems to be going out of style...I finally arive home a few minutes later exhausted and perhaps a bit lonley. Maybe this holiday is a drab for me because last year the night of the Fourth was when my ex and I broke up. Maybe i'm taking it a bit far, but it didn't use to be this way. Maybe i'm hormonal, i'll stop while i'm ahead.