Therapy (yet another passive aggressive post)

There's something about my personality that i'm just starting to recognize in my adulthood. Something that I don't quite like about myself but it is so natural for me. Something I wish I could change, but don't know where to start. So let me introduce myself in a "12 Steps" manner of speaking. Hello, i'm Toy and i'm Passive Agressive. As a child, I was quiet, I never wanted to be in trouble and I had a problem saying no. So what happens to a person that never says no, they tend to agree to things they really don't want to do. Which in turn gives you a negative attitude about doing it, and then causes you sometimes agree to doing it and then not doing it. I'm an emotional person, you may hear me start off sentences saying "I feel..." Also, I was always a letter writer, i'd have a dispute and say nothing immediately, then write a letter later. I get upset when people probe and try to find out what's wrong with me becuase I never think they'd understand, and I don't ever want to hurt another person's feelings. But what normally happens is that I end up making them more upset by not just saying how I felt to begin with. I'm always late and my learning style is procrastination, I have short term memory lapses and sometimes feel inefficient. Confusing? Not to me. This is a real disorder and classified in the DSM. To give a textbook definition:Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of expressing your negative feelings in an indirect way — instead of openly addressing them.

People who are passive-aggressive appear to agree with the requests of others. They may even seem enthusiastic about them. But they don't perform a requested action on time or in a useful way, and may even work against it. In other words, they use nonverbal behavior to express anger or resentment that they can't express verbally. An example is showing up very late to a meeting that you didn't really want to attend and then making up excuses for your lateness that deflect attention from the real reason you were late.

Signs and symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior include:

Resentment and opposition to the demands of others
Complaining about feeling underappreciated or cheated
Procrastination
Stubbornness
Inefficiency
Memory lapses
Sullenness
Irritability
Cynical attitude
Although passive-aggressive behavior can be a feature of some psychiatric disorders, it isn't considered a mental illness. Researchers are studying how to classify habitual and problematic behaviors such as passive-aggressiveness. If such behavior is troublesome or interferes with your relationships or daily activities, consult a therapist who can help you identify and change the behavior.

Some people, especially people with type A personalities, tend to have problems thinking oudside their realm of understanding, so i've encountered people who are just like "Just say what you mean" and want me to be accountable for why I may not have shown up to an event or some other thing. And while I understand their mode of thinking, I really do try to make myself do things I don't want to do (which could be a problem in and of itself). I hate making up excuses, but what bothers me more is people asking me to give a full acount for the things not done. I'm thinking I may need therapy, just to talk things out rationally. I understand this may be my Hamartia. And what makes it so bad, bor years this has been unconsciuous behavior. Just a thought...