This has to be short because i've got to go.
So a friend of mine just called me hysterically apologizing to me. I know that she'd been in an argument with her fiance about what time we came back from the gym last night. Our personal trainer stays late nights because most of his clients get off of work after 6:00pm. We usually don't leave the gym until 11:00pm, we try to leave sooner but we rarely get there before 8:00pm, we also talk. My friend and I have been friends for 18 years. Her phone call was to let me know we couldn't be friends anymore. She doesn't have family, it's just her and her mom so the desire of her heart since a young child was to be married and have a family. She and her fiance have been dating for about 3 years and have changed wedding dates more times than I care to count. He's a religious guy, I mean a "superChristian", he's very strict with her, her whole life revolves around him and his 2 daughters which he just gained sole custody of (from a recent divorce, this would make his 3rd marriage) their relationship is different to say the least. I don't ever make the mistake of telling her to leave him for 3 reasons. It's none of my business, she'd be with him anyway, and because she'd just tell him one day and he'd resent me, that's a decision she'll have to make on her own. So anywho, fast forward today, it took me by surprise, the phone call hurt, I was confused, and just completely taken off guard. I'm all crying at work, wondering what kamikaze wind just came by my cubicle. I'm upset a lil, because he's controlling and he just made her get rid of her only friend. Even more because she's crying uncontrollably and is in a mess. I do understand I am the "single" friend and that's usually a problem in most marriages, but I try to give her encouragement without giving her advice, I mean I try to quote scripture to help encourage her. This is classic best friend vs. the boyfriend, except i'm not fighting. I couldn't see myself letting go of a true friend if she hasn't done anything wrong, now I do understand that when you marry, things change. You and your BFF don't see each other or hang out or sit and talk on the phone like you once did, but you shouldn't have to give up the entire friendship unless there is a different issue at hand. I told my friend I support her in whatever she does, and hell I can't give her the family life so it makes sense for her follow her heart in this one. A friendship of 18 years ended with a phone call goodbye and i'm sitting here wondering wtf?
This year has been a strange one, especially with friendships. I don't know what lesson i'm supposed to get out of this but man, I hope this season will be over soon.
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3 comments:
I know your feelings are hurt, but I don't think you should worry about it. He's not trippin' because you're single. That's the excuse he gives. He's trippin' because he doesn't want to share his power. It's definitely going to pass. She'll eventually get some balls.
And people don't kick out old friends because they get a family. I don't know where you got that from. You've got to remember that these people are not normal. So you can't, not even for a moment, let their actions constitute normalcy. They are the standard for ridiculousness if you ask me.
Wow! that's deep. ummmm where do I start, ok 1st off if this dude was such a super Christian why is this his 3rd marriage? 2nd it is about you and then it's not, he doesn't want to share her with anyone else becuase he knows how naive and gullable she is and doesn't want to lose that control over her to you becuz he feels like hell if i can control her like this why would I let her being around anyone else whop might be able to talk some sense into her. last but not least, some marriage last forever as well as some friendships, but her mistake was letting go the only person who could help her when this fool (her husband) starts acting up. I guarantee they will end up getting divorced becuz he has no self-confidence. I don't wish that on know one, but what kind of relationship is that when you have a very controlling spouse that on you like a fly on shit. no fun, you can keep that shit. you just be you and you know I'm going to say some ol' crazy shit.... so here it its, how much of a friendship was it for 18 years that she had to CALL you and end it on the phone. I would think she would hold you to a better standard than that. you don't treat people like that, she has some issues as well. just my take on it, oh does she read your blog cause if she does i think your relationship is really over know or she will realize she was wrong. you're a beast for that, kinda like me, fuck it, get it out there and I don't care who reads it, i bet you felt a little better afterward.
The lesson is that you are a wonderful friend. So many people would have tried to talk her out of it, but you didn’t. Only a person that loves you can let you go out into the world and make your own mistakes – love lets go not demands you to stay! When she wakes up one day to the reality of his manipulation and control; welcome her in with open arms, cause it will be at that very point that she will need your encouragement more than she has ever before. I absolutely love this piece.
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