The Inaguration (pt. 1)

I really wanted tears, but then a different thing happened. Something different altogether, something I can't put my finger on. This was a normal day, ho hum...Snow and long lines, thank you's and goodbyes, my complaining had begun, it was cold and no one gave a damn. So I sat there sniffling and thus speaking in a nasal tone, there are certain things you cannot say in a government office, the obvious was happening but it remained unspoken mostly, some cared, some permanently fixed on their cell phones, some wearing black in mourning others donned t-shirts with his face and moniker. It was all too surreal, I havent stopped to think lately, life is a series of moments, a cipher of occurences, from crisis to crisis, care to care, stress to stress. It hasn't sinked in. I used to be passionate and loving, i'm now stressed and running late, that's all there's been. So today was no different, I wanted it to be, I wanted to be proud and say something profound about life after the election of the First Black President of the United States of America. The irony is that I exist in the epicenter of America's crisis. Straddling the fence between potential and poverty one good choice away from the former and one bad choice from the latter. It is about me. This election was about me, it was an introspective, a challenge to change and action. A call to look at myself as the holder of my own fate and destiny, and I do hate to use those words, but it was. That is what it is about today, a question...What does it all mean? Why is it so significant? What will I do now? Somehow it isn't about Barack Obama, it is about...well you get it. He won't change the nation alone, racism hasn't ended, the glass ceiling does still exist, poverty is still real and changing the face of the nation, violence is still the burning pistol it always was, education is still under-received, unemployment is still about to reach 10%, HIV is still affecting a disproportianate population of African Americans compared to the other population, we are still in a recession, people are still selling their souls and so on...so on...So what will be different? If I remain unchanged, then of what value is this election to me? I understand the historical importance, I understand that it is bigger than me, I understand that it is a dream realized, I understand this is something people many people thought would never happen, I understand and don't mean to make it seem small but...I dunno, after listening to a few young republicans say that people are being caught up in the awe, and that this is sensationalism, that people didn't know the issues or why they were voting for Barack other than his race. They painted all these happy faces white with big red smiles, a round red nose and blue curly hair. Their inference was that the honeymoon will be over soon and we will go back to our normal lives void of political activity and calls to social activism and Barack Obama will fail. Kinda like Rush Limbaugh, he hopes that he fails. These things put the mirror in my face and made me feel a tad guilty at a time I should be sticking my chest out and head up, a time where I should be "choosing hope over fear". I know better, I truly do. Yesterday a woman came to my desk crying as the inaguration speech was happening on the plasma behind me, she sobbed desperately "I'm a liberal, this has been a long 8 years, I used to be a social worker but I have lost everything" she went on, "George Bush has taken everything and destroyed my family, I've lost my job, my house and my family is falling apart, so excuse me for being so emotional, but I needed this, I am just overcome with a feeling of relief, it is over, it is over..." Today is better for me, yesterday was emotional. I missed the speech, I had to catch the re-cap on the 9 o' clock news, perhaps I would have felt inspired, motivated, and had a better feeling, instead all I saw was people frowning, arms akimbo, long lines, unemployment pay stubs, requests for hardships, tears, cell phones, open doors breathing cold air in my face, pregnant women, unsigned birth certificates, child support orders, negative balances on bank statements, and people that are affected in general by the things most of us read about. Perhaps there is a more happy post to come, something that expresses the grand importance of this day, something better, another day.

The crucial answers to these questions depend not only on President Barack Obama's decisions but also on who we are and what we do. As he rightly noted in his monumental campaign, change comes from the bottom up, not the top down. Our hopes are on a tightrope, and America hangs in the balance—and we either hang together, or we hang separately. –Cornel West